“Fashion and planning… the two merit badges I’ll never have on my imaginary boy scout sash…”
“Y’know, Thinner would be a really short story if it was about me. It’d be like 20 pages. He got thinner, then he died.”
A: I’m blind-person ogling you.
K: I’m sculpted…
A: Sure you are.
K: …out of twine.
K: You didn’t eat any pie?
A: I don’t like apple pie.
K: Well obviously you’re crazy and wrong, but I love you anyway.
K: You know, I’m only getting up for this class because I have to hand something in. I would NOT get out of bed for anything else, even International Berry Day.
A: Why would I make you get out of bed for International Berry Day?
K: You wouldn’t want me to miss out on pie.
“Every one of the other characters was like, ‘Hamlet, man… don’t mess with Laertes. He’ll stab you in the face.'”
“There was dust on the kitchen floor from where the real men were doing man work this morning. It got all in my toes…”
“I went to the English department website and saw the ‘career opportunities’ link… and it gave me a 404 page not found error.”
“Did you know that I am, in fact, a multi-celled organism? …Bit of trivia.”
A: I’m cold… can I have a blanket?
K: No. You know what they say: “Give a mouse a cookie…”
A: …and then what?
K: It’ll want a blanket.