Does this seem familiar?!

“If I were on an infomercial, I’d want to be the person in black and white who is unreasonably angry and frustrated. You know, having catastrophic difficulties with easy things. I’d be good at angrily vacuuming poorly.”

Am I my brother’s keeper?

A: My brother is watching “Employee Of The Month.”
K: OH MY GOD WHY ARE YOU LETTING HIM DO THAT?!

Sometimes sarcasm is lost on her…

K: Instead of making out, I was hoping we could watch the big game tonight. My team is playing the rival team whom I dislike.
A: Since when do you like hockey?
K: I expecially love when they score goal-points.

It’s a good thing, then, that he’s a “Long, Long Way From Home”

K: Here’s something you may not know about me… at home, I have every single Foreigner album.
A: …
K: What? I’m a Juke Box Hero!

Kill, they told me… parumpapumpum.

“If I ever go on one of those murderous rampages that only white guys go on, I’m going to have an iPod with “Little Drummer Boy” playing to spur me on.”